


Omelette that Slide Because I Like You a Waffle Lot

by seacliffs



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Awkwardness, Brunch, First Meetings, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Past Toxic/Abusive Relationship, meet cute gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26055844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seacliffs/pseuds/seacliffs
Summary: "We didn't invite you to sit," Andy said pointedly to the man who had trailed in after Joe.He held direct eye contact with her as he pulled out the last remaining stool at the high top table they were sat around and made himself comfortable.Joe sighed internally, while trying to maintain an easy smile and his affable exterior. "Sorry about him. We'll go."------------------------------------------------------------------Joe's friend Booker invites him to come meet his other friends for brunch so they can heckle their friend Nicky while he works. Joe's ex Merrick makes this difficult. Joe's ex Merrick makes everything difficult.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Past Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Steven Merrick
Comments: 14
Kudos: 353





	Omelette that Slide Because I Like You a Waffle Lot

"We didn't invite you to sit," Andy said pointedly to the man who had trailed in after Joe.

He held direct eye contact with her as he pulled out the last remaining stool at the high top table they were sat around and made himself comfortable.

Joe sighed internally, while trying to maintain an easy smile and his affable exterior. "Sorry about him. We'll go."

"You don't have to do that," Andy said, with absolutely no give in her voice. " _He_ can go, you can stay."

Booker had warned Joe that Andy could come across as a stone cold bitch. He had said it admiringly, like it was the greatest compliment he could ever bestow. Booker was Joe's best friend from work, but they hadn't really hung out much outside of work even though they'd always meant to. Tired of saying they should and then never doing it, Booker took the initiative to finally just invite Joe to brunch one day. "It'll be great," he had said, "my friends and I are going to heckle our other friend at work."

Joe didn't have a lot of friends, after moving to a new country every few years and then his ex Merrick chasing what few he had away, and the idea of meeting Booker's buddies had been surprisingly appealing. Booker explained that he had met Quynh through a work event, as she also worked for their company but out of a different office, and Andy was her wife. Nicky was an old friend from school and Nile was much younger than all the rest of them, but had fallen in with their set when she met Andy in a veterans' group. "She's very mature for a baby," Booker had said with a laugh.

So Joe had looked forward to meeting everyone and perhaps even making new friends, but Merrick had somehow managed to 'coincidentally' happen to show up at the same restaurant exactly when Joe was going inside. They had argued right outside the door, but it hadn't made a difference. Merrick followed him in anyway, and now here they were.

Joe felt awful, explaining with a sort of panicked desperation--that the situation didn't actually call for because it was just a casual friendly brunch, except it wasn't, it was his chance to finally have friends like a normal human being--that he most definitely didn't invite his ex without asking them if it was okay, it was just that he showed up anyway and wouldn't go away.

"I understand. It can be very hard to scrape shit off your shoe," Andy said. She had been watching them argue outside from the start.

Before Merrick could open his mouth to make a scathing retort, a waiter came over and said in a thick Italian accent, "What can I get for this group of scoundrels that God has seen fit to punish me with?"

Everyone else cheered, variations of "eeeeeyyyyyyyy Nicky boyyyyy!" and "Nicolo!" and "you Genoese bastard!" breaking out, alongside much back slapping. 

"Nicky, this is Joe, the guy from work I've been telling you about," Booker said, introducing him.

Joe tried not read into what Booker might or might not be insinuating. "Yusuf, but you can call me Joe," he said, shaking Nicky's hand. He felt flushed when Nicky smiled at him, and tried to ignore the frisson of electricity that passed between their hands where they touched.

Nicky turned to Merrick, confused as to whether he should introduce himself too, but Nile interrupted and said, "Don't worry about him, he's just leaving."

Nicky shrugged and took their orders, murmuring complimentary things about each food choice except Booker's order, which he told him was disgusting. Merrick sat stubbornly on his stool, still refusing to leave, and forced his way into ordering an omelette as well. Andy glared at him and Quynh lay a placating hand on her arm. Joe wanted to crawl under the table and die.

They made small talk and skillfully excluded Merrick. It was truly incredible, how they could ask Joe about his recent travels and his hobbies, while explaining some of their inside jokes and what they had been up to lately, and at the same time totally stonewalling Merrick out, no matter how many times he tried to interject. 

Nicky returned with their coffees and glasses of water and juice, and touched the back of Joe's neck with one hand while he leaned over to slide a cup of espresso to Andy. Joe could feel every point of contact like a hot brand spreading heat through the rest of his body. To try to maintain some equal footing here, he winked at Nicky when he caught his eye. It made Nicky smile, looking down quickly like he was privately pleased. 

Booker blew the paper wrapper from his straw at Nicky like a missile, and Nicky swatted it away good naturedly, growling insults to Booker's honour and his mother's honour in English and French. Booker cackled and tried to start some sort of slap fight, Quynh tried to join in, Nile yelped and tried to clear the glasses out of their way before anything got knocked over, and Andy said she would kick all of their asses if they delayed her from getting caffeine inside her any longer.

Joe watched them all with warm amusement, but when he looked away he saw Merrick watching him, cold eyes calculating. The smile drained off his face.

When Nicky left to check on another table, Merrick tried to strike up conversation again with the group. "So I see you're all highly successful professionals, excepting of course the waiter and the college student—"

"Why are you still here?" Quynh interrupted.

Merrick looked taken aback. 

Delighted like she was finally given permission by her wife to let loose, Andy added, "We made it very clear that no one wants you here. We don't even know you. Leave before you embarrass yourself even more."

Merrick had the gall to look over at Joe, like he expected him to defend him or something, when he was the one who had begged him to leave him alone and not come into this restaurant in the first place. 

Annoyed that Merrick was somehow still not getting up, Quynh pushed Booker aside so she could say to Joe, "Here, switch seats with me."

Confused, Joe complied, ending up between Andy and Booker while Quynh took his old place and then moved her chair so that her back was to Merrick, essentially blocking him from the rest of the table and closing them into a smaller circle. "There, much better."

They resumed their conversation from earlier while Merrick fumed, from what little Joe could see of him with Booker quite deliberately blocking him with his shoulder. 

Nicky came back with two large trays laden with all their plates, jovially informing Booker that he spit in his food, when Merrick stuck out his foot and tripped him. Nicky pitched forward, almost completely losing his balance but still managing to land with both trays on the table before falling and catching himself on his knees. The plates crashed onto the tabletop, some of the food bouncing up a little to scatter into a small mess, but miraculously nothing broke and most of their meals remained intact. 

"That was clumsy of you," Merrick said snidely. "You should be more careful, you won't get a tip for sloppy service."

Joe felt mortification claim him. He tried to stand up to get past Booker so he could leave and take Merrick with him, certain that they wouldn't want him here anymore after the terrible first impression he's made, letting his ex abuse their friend like that and not doing anything to stop him. He muttered apologies and couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears for a moment, overwhelmed with resignation that even breaking up with Merrick didn't mean he could get away from him, that the whole rest of his life would be tainted by his awful behaviour, that he might as well give up and go back to Merrick because no one else was going to put up with this. 

Booker wasn't getting out of his way, and Andy grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. "It's fine," she said, looking at him too understandingly. "Here, watch, you don't want to miss this."

Nicky got up and dusted himself off, before yanking Merrick into an arm lock that made him yelp. "You can't lay your hands on me! I want to speak to the manager!"

"I'm the owner," Nicky informed him, twisting his arm further and using it to march Merrick toward the door, "and you are now officially trespassing. Goodbye." With that, he tossed Merrick out and returned to their table.

Joe tried not to stare at him with too much open wonder, or indeed open mouth. 

"I should probably have done that sooner," Nicky said apologetically, "but I was thinking maybe he might at least pay for the omelette."

Now Joe felt silly, standing up while everyone was reaching for their plates and serving themselves from the only slightly jumbled pile of breakfast foods in the middle of the table. He recovered his wits quickly enough to say, "Well now there's an extra omelette, why don't you have it with us?"

Nicky smiled at him again. Booker, who hadn't gotten up when Joe was trying to leave, let himself be easily shoved out of the way so Nicky could sit down beside him. Joe grabbed his own order and nothing had ever tasted as good as that first bite, with Nicky looking fondly at him.

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally for [this kink meme prompt](https://theoldguardkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1468.html?thread=299964#cmt299964))


End file.
